Toddler-Proofing

Baby-proofing.  Everyone talks about it.  Everyone does it.  When the boys first became mobile we placed covers on all the outlets, we installed cabinet locks on the knife drawer, we put door knob locks on all of the doors, we secured our cleaning products and medications on a top shelf in a closet protected by said door knob locks.  Heck, we even remodeled our entire living room so there were no coffee table edges to bump into and no entertainment stands to topple over on little heads.  We proudly baby-proofed our entire downstairs so that the boys could freely roam wherever their little hearts desired without encountering anything they shouldn't touch or get into.  It made for a wonderfully pleasant first two years- with everything safe for them to touch and explore, there were very few "no's" and "don'ts" and lots of freedom to explore and learn. 

But then we turned two.  And what you don't hear so much about is toddler-proofing.  I'm beginning to think that this topic is so underrated because it simply doesn't exist!!!  Nothing is safe in my house.  Nothing.  Like Australopithecus, my children are learning the advanced art of using tools.  Specifically- chairs.  And when one chair won't do, they try to stack said chairs atop one another.  They will slide a chair into the kitchen to climb up on the counter for open access to the fruit bowl.  The stove top.  The knife block.  They know how to open the pantry to get out the yard stick, which they then run around whacking on each and every surface in my house while I chase them trying to get the damn thing away from them and (calmly) yelling in my best Love and Logic tone "Yard sticks are for measuring, not whacking the toilet bowl!!!"  Despite the door knob lock, they can open the hall closet to get out their drums.  And the hardwood floor cleaner.  And when combined with a chair from the dining room- their vitamins!  They can climb on just about anything- they can reach the bookshelves above the computer table, they spend much of the day standing on top of the kitchen table, I've even caught Matthew making a valiant effort to scale the refrigerator via the stove top.

Needless to say, my days are all of a sudden filled with more "no's" and "don'ts" and "you are going to burn the soles of your feet if you're standing on the stove's" than the boys have heard in their entire lives.  And I hate it.  But aside from removing all furniture and appliances from my house, I'm not sure how to "safe-proof" their environment anymore.  On one hand, I want to be proud of my creative little monsters.  How genius of them to put their little potty on top of a chair to get just a few inches taller so that they can grab the dog's toothbrush out of the hall closet and chase him around yelling "Rigby I brush your teeth!"  Little Einsteins!  But I'm not proud.  I'm exhausted.  And I feel awful. Awful for squelching their desperate need to explore every square inch of their environment, to experiment and see how things work, to become independent little human beings.  But how do you convince a two year old that the top of the refrigerator is not the best place to assemble a Curious George puzzle without squashing his little explorer within?  Or say "please dear God put that knife back- I know you want to cut your own avocado but we don't have time to go to the emergency room and be back before naptime!" without stifling his budding independence?  And please believe me when I say that naptime is the only hour of sanity this mama gets anymore!!!