Ask Dr. Nandi

At the bottom of this post I will share a link to a full episode of the Detroit, Michigan based medical talk show Ask Dr. Nandi that is aired across the country.  I was asked to tape this episode with Dr. Nandi last fall and today is the first time I have seen the final edit.  I am somewhat hesitant to share this on our family's personal blog as many of my friends and even family members either know nothing of my history or know very little of it, but I wanted be able to thank Dr. Nandi, his wife Kali, and Dr. Ben Biermann for an incredibly honest and accurate portrayal of self-injury.  I am honored to have been a part of this piece.

My history with self-injury is not something I have widely shared.  Aside from the wonderful friends who spent years in the trenches with me, most of the people in my life have no idea that there was ever a time when I hurt myself.  I did do a small amount of public speaking on the topic towards the end of my college years and was asked on multiple occasions to appear on different talk shows, but I was always too fearful of how the media would spin my story to make it anything but honest or my own.  And that was back in the day before "reality" TV even existed!  Go figure!  Sure enough, every time such shows came out they always managed to misrepresent self-injury to varying degrees, more often than not perpetuating dangerous myths about self-injury instead of demystifying it as they claimed they had wanted to do.  But when I met Dr. Nandi and his wife Kali, I felt that they sincerely wanted to present the honest truth about self-injury.  I watched multiple episodes of Dr. Nandi's show and realized that he somehow manages to produce a quality medical talk show without sensationalizing the people or topics he presents in any way.  Having just celebrated the 10 year anniversary of the last time I self-injured, I figured it was finally time to help someone present self-injury for what it truly is.

It was a difficult decision to make.  I am always fearful of ever bringing up my history given the career path I chose for myself.  While I have counseled many, many teenagers who hurt themselves, not a single one ever knew that the therapist on the other side of the note pad had once walked the same broken path.  I am still fearful of what affect this may have should I decide to return to social work someday, but when it came down to it, I know that my history has nothing but a positive influence on how I do my job.  I have also always been fearful of my gymnasts knowing the truth about the scars on my arms.  I am not proud of the lies I told them through the years, but my girls were so young and had no business knowing that life could get so tough.  But most of the girls I spent the most time with are growing up now and I know that they have discovered that life can be tough on their own, so I don't need to hide behind that excuse anymore either.  The only piece of the puzzle left is our own boys.  Aside from a terminal illness or losing one of them all together, the day they ask me about my scars is one of my greatest fears as a mother.  I can only hope they are old enough when they ask- old enough to see what I hope Dr. Nandi was able to present in this episode of his show.  At one point in time, self-injury consumed my whole life- my entire being.  But at this point in time- right here and right now- it is only a small and distant speck in my life.  The only reason I acknowledge it at all is the hope that maybe I can help others who were hurting like me.

So if you care to see the full piece, you can find it here (at least for the next few days).

To Dr. Nandi and Kali- THANK YOU.  Thank you for having me and thank you for the beautiful story you put together that shares nothing but the truths about self-injury.  Dr. Nandi, you represent everything that medicine should be and I hope you are able to inspire other doctors and medical professionals to share the true values of your field.

To Dr. Ben Biermann- Thank you as well.  Thank you for your accurate and honest discussions about what self-injury is and isn't.  Thank you for not perpetuating the myths about self-injury that make a painful time in a person's life even that much more painful.  I am truly happy that the very place that shaped me into the clinician I have become is now in your hands.

In the words of Dr. Nandi himself- NAMASTE!