But there's no time like the holidays to step back and realize how lucky we are and to be thankful for all that we have. Even though they are only four years old, this is something we work hard to instill in our boys. Every night in our prayers, we take turns listing the things we are thankful to have- and the boys are learning to be grateful for everything from their health to their teddy bears to dry underwear. For awhile now we have hemmed and hawed about if and when and how to take such lessons to the next level. It is one thing to learn to be thankful for what we have and that is something I think even the youngest child can begin to comprehend. But to take that one step further- to learn that there are people who don't have what we have- is another story. At what point is it appropriate to bring awareness to the fact that some people, some children even, are sleeping outside with empty bellies and broken hearts?
This year we decided to try our best to find the gentlest way to start teaching our boys the virtues of selflessness, compassion, charity, and service. The catch-22 is that our boys have been "gifted" the wonderful virtue of empathy. They have too much. It's why they can't even look at the book "Are You My Mother?" and why they cried their little eyes out while attempting to watch the latter half of Horton Hears A Who. Someday, I hope it will help them lead incredible and enriching lives. But in the here and now, it's a delicate balancing act for Jon and I to help them understand and learn to cope with the gift they've been given. Which makes it hard to take them to a soup kitchen to serve meals or to drop old blankets and coats off at a homeless shelter where they would see first hand the stories of real people who are suffering. The thought of a cartoon elephant falling off a bridge sent them on an emotional rollercoaster that, despite our best teachings, they were ill-equipped to ride. Which makes me pretty certain we're not quite ready to look into the eyes of a homeless child.
But we found a way to introduce volunteerism and charity without overwhelming our boys beyond their ability to cope and that was to sign up to be bell ringers at a Salvation Army Red Kettle. It is nameless and faceless yet embraces the virtues we want to encourage in our young sons. Faceless it may be, but it still forced us to have some very creative conversations. To understand why we were asking them to stand outside in the freezing cold while ringing a bell to collect money that they wouldn't keep, we had to introduce the concept of people being less fortunate than us. It is not an easy conversation to have with four year olds. It's darn near impossible for them to understand why people go hungry and homeless. But the construction workers could just build new homes, Matthew suggested. When I explained that there are really enough homes but not enough money, he wanted to know why and I found myself struggling to explain the many facets of homelessness to a preschooler. People have lost their jobs- appropriate. People stuck in the endless cycle of poverty perpetuated by politics and racism- maybe not so appropriate. People swallowed whole by addiction and crime- save for next year.
Luckily, the boys understood the bottom line- we were going to volunteer two hours of our time to help others who needed some extra support for the holidays. So we bundled up and headed out. Ringing bells out in the cold for two hours is actually a tall task for four year olds. Heck, doing anything for two hours straight is a tall task for four year olds! They needed a couple of breaks and a few reminders of why we were doing what we were doing- but I'll be darned, we lasted the entire two hours and nearly filled an entire red kettle. While we have barely scratched the surface, I know the boys learned about as much as their little hearts and minds could handle in those two hours.
Little did I know, I would learn a lot too. I learned that many people are kind and generous. I learned that many are not. And it was hard not to draw parallels to what it must feel like to be a person begging for coins on a street corner. I learned that there are three kinds of people who pass a Salvation Arm red kettle. Those who will reach into their wallets or pockets to kindly help others- maybe they will donate a $10 bill as some did or maybe they'll toss in their spare change. There were also those who didn't donate but smiled and responded when we wished them a Merry Christmas. And then there were those who purposefully avoided eye contact, did not respond to the holiday greetings of two tiny boys in snowmen hats, and hurried past us without a glance or smile. I understand if people don't donate. Maybe they dropped some coins in another kettle down the street or maybe they truly don't have a single cent in their pockets at the moment. But it was hard to realize and even harder to accept that people can't look you in the eye. That they can't respond when you wish them a happy holiday. It made me incredibly sad- sad for us as human beings- and even sadder when my four year old looked up at me and said "He doesn't want to have a Merry Christmas mama" when a business man in his fancy suit, carrying his fancy laptop walked right past us to get into his fancy car. The irony wasn't lost on him- even at four years old.
To say we ALL learned a lot is the best way to sum up our two hours of bell ringing. And here's what you can learn. It's really a simple thing to do. Visit your local Salvation Army website. There is an entire page dedicated to bell ringing volunteers- just pick a city, pick a location, and pick a two hour chunk of time to volunteer. Bring your friends, bring your children, bring your hot cocoa and bring your hearts... because you'll quickly realize that love and compassion are the only things in the world where the more you give, the more you get.
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